The Battle of Helm's Deep, aka Election 2012, was hard fought. But in the end, Barack Obama has come out on top as our President once again. Four more years, am I right?
I'm sure we all watched this race so closely that we felt like we were in the middle of it- at least I sure did. I was cheering Brian Williams on as he reprimanded Donald Trump's temper-tantrum against Obama. I got just as excited as Wolf Blitzer when the slightest data change would show up on his ridiculously gigantic computer screens (well maybe not as excited as him). And I wished I could hologram into CNN headquarters with some snarky, TV or movie-related comments about each win and loss of the election.
But as I regretfully couldn't be in the center of the action, I was relegated to Twitter commentator. Silver lining: So were most celebrities. Here are some of the best politics-related tweets of the night:
Wolf Blitzer on the Virginia exit polls, which show a 49-49 split: "Doesn't get much closer than that." Finally, I understand what a tie is.
Romney wins Kentucky? There goes my whole electoral map!
Joshua Malina @JoshMalina (From ABC's Scandal and formerly of The West Wing/Sports Night)
Karl Rove has gotten VERY Ben Franklin-y.
Paul Feig @paulfeig (Director of Bridesmaids)
If there's a smoking incinerator behind your polling place, there's a slight chance your vote hasn't been counted. #justawarning
Why did the voter go to the strip club? He was looking for his polling station. #ClassicJokeSuperTuesday
Do they record the call in which Romney or Obama has to concede victory to the other person? If not, we need some extendable ears NOW.
Elections would be more fun if people were chosen to run a country by the sorting hat. #ElectionDay2012
@pattonoswalt How can Mitt lose Michigan, yet claim family is so important to him? Pending identity crises???
Clint Eastwood stands on his porch. Sighs. "Well if you're coming in, dammit come in," he says to the chair on his lawn.
What does Mitt Romney have in common with popcorn, soda, and hot dogs? Concessions!
In one of my absolute favorite EARLY tweets of the night:
John Oliver @iamjohnoliver (Daily Show Correspondent, Comedian)
If Mitt Romney wins the election tonight, the White House will be one of the smallest houses he's ever lived in.
Todd Akin concedes rape to ....RACE! I mean race to Claire McCaskill.
Okay. @karlrove made off like a bandit. Can you imagine all the money he blew on this election. What percentage went in his pocket. Heist!
"Math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up." http://on.cc.com/SqHQBx #CCElection
Example of the best (or worst?) use of the hashtag
In my election coverage Wolf Blitzer is not wearing any pants.#pants
How badass would it be if Obama, after snaking Mitt and Paul's home states, gives 'em Hawaii "just to be sporting"?
I think Obama is winning and I think I'm going to bed. #cstelect
Rock Flag and Eagle baby. #OBAMA
HISTORY IS MADE.. Racism is defeated! OBAMA WiNS
Heartbroken. My party has to evolve or it's going to die.
Ahhh the part of the election coverage when middle aged women bop to Aretha Franklin
Tonight we finally find out if the adage “Once you go black, you never go back” holds up.
What. In the fuck. Is happening. At FOX News right now. #meltdown
I wonder what the Koch Bros will buy tomorrow to get over this? Lincoln Center? Alaska? Saturn?
The start of Donald Trump meltdown #584 of 2012
This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!
Our country is now in serious and unprecedented trouble...like never before.
Our nation is a once great nation divided!
The electoral college is a disaster for a democracy.
Hopefully the House of Representatives can hold our country together for four more years...stay strong and never give up!
House of Representatives shouldn't give anything to Obama unless he terminates Obamacare.
WE WON ! WE WON ! GREAT GOD ALMIGHTY ! WE WON!!
Nice try Mitt. You should write a book and call it The Audacity of Hype. Well done America, land of the brave. The works breathes easy.
Romney "only wrote a victory speech." Fortunately, he's had at least a year's practice completely making shit up.
Karl Rove and Fox News went a bit crazy after major networks and sites called Ohio- and subsequently the election- for President Obama:
Fox News is hurting the Republican Party.....
Now lets work together!!! USA all the way!
See you on TLC, Romney boys!
Today's Sesame Street is brought to you by the number 2 and the phrase 'fuck you'.
Oh, now this is just getting crazy. Fox News is now calling 2008 for McCain.
“@Rschooley: Romney campaign not conceding. Mormon, please.” LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! Jokes!
Well Done America. We knew you'd get it right. #ObamaWins
I JUST GOT OFF STAGE IN COLUMBIA!! CONGRATULATIONS MR. PRESIDENT @BarackObama We are so proud to be American tonight! YES!!! YES! YES!!
To commemorate Obama's victory, I'm having a tea party.
Put one in da air for the Prez!!!! Our dear Obama!
So happy right now. Congratulations @barackobama. Whenever you want, I will make out with you at a seriously discounted rate.
That's what happens when you fuck with Sesame Street
"Obama for real They gotta put your face on the five-thousand dollar bill"
Aaaaand Ann Coulter's bitter tweet of the night:
The good news is the promise of continued massive unemployment among young people.
No matter who you voted for, if you voted, I'm proud of you. And, tomorrow, we all get back to work making this country great!
This morning I woke up with a giant election.
Yahoooo! FOUR MORE YEARS!
MITT Says Obama Has Not Won OHIO.Awwwwwwwwww Sheeeeeeeeeeet.Here We Go,Last Minute Shenanigans,Tomfoolery And Skullduggery,Monkey Business.
We are either hearing fireworks or massive bubble wrap being popped outside! So exciting!!!! #Obama
Of course you were Hef:
While I was playing dominoes with the girls, we got the news that Obama had been re-elected. We're celebrating at the Mansion.
Congratulations to President Barack Obama! Congratulations to all Democrats in America. Well done and 4 more years!
These last few tweets were posted during Obama's winning/acceptance speech:
Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes (Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Recreation, Co-Star on House of Lies)
Drop the mic and get out that bitch! BOOM!
John Gallagher, Jr. @JohnGallagherJr (Co-Star of The Newsroom)
Who else made a Fonzie "ayyyyyyy!" when Biden came out?
Oh to have a confetti business in Chicago.