Thursday, January 31, 2013

A Fond Farewell: The Best Fake Stuff "30 Rock" Ever Created For Us All

This is how I feel about 30 Rock ending. Blerg on you Tina Fey.

Tonight, we say goodbye to one of the funniest shows on TV. If only there was a perfect Joni Mitchell song to commemorate this event. While I shall drown my sorrows tonight in night cheese and a Nancy Drew (it's a Hardy Boy for men, natch), check out some of the greatest creations Liz Lemon and the gang have ever given us, from bar mitzvahs for werewolves to Meat Cat.

Fake Songs: 

Muffin Top- Jenna Maroney's best song ever. She just wants to dance people. 

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah- Tracy's big hit that helped him receive the key to the city of Gary, Indiana

Jenna, "unwindulaxing"

Catching Crabs in Paradise- Jenna's hit that becomes the theme song for the followers of "Unwindulax"- people in Florida whose election votes can't be predicted. 

Balls- A song Jenna made over a summer hiatus... and yes, it just repeats "balls" over and over again.

Night Cheese- Liz Lemon eats cheese at night. It's pretty self-explanatory but it's also completely perfect. 

I'm A Star- Sure it's not a full song but who cares? It'll be your anthem after you hear it. 

Fake Companies/Events: 

Bottoms-Up Day- The day where GE senior level officials do the work of the lowest paid/ranked GE employee for one whole day. It's a real nightmare

Ludachristmas- The TGS Christmas Party. It can get crazy. As Tracy would say, he "likes it so much, he wants to take behind a middle school and get it pregnant." 

Classic Liz, choosing food over a man. This is so not a romantic comedy.

Sandwich Day- "You don't know Sandwich Day? Why it's the best day of the year!" Once a year, the TGS teamsters bring everyone sandwiches from a secret location. But make sure you don't take Liz's sandwich because she'll "cut you up so bad you'll have a chin."

Anna Howard Shaw Day- Otherwise known as Anti-Valentine's Day for bitter, old, single women. 

Kidney Now- Jack's basically fake charity concert to raise money for his real father's kidney. Adam Levine, Mary J. Blige & Elvis Costello (aka international art thief Declan McManus) are all blackmailed into participating. 

Kabletown- The new owner of NBC. (DEFINITELY not Comcast)

Merkins for Hope- The charity Jenna decides to give her chopped off hair to (because Locks for Love won't accept her way too damaged tousles) 

Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning- Jack's idea of pre-taping a charity benefit show. Sounds like a good idea right? Not so much because the next disaster happens on the island of Mago which is owned by Mel Gibson. But because it's Jack, somehow the idea still works unlike....

Fireworks- Jack's idea to set off a giant fireworks show in the middle of Rockefeller Plaza. It was not a success. 

Fake Shows/Movies/Games: 

Bitch Hunter- NBC's very popular show starring Will Ferrell as Shane Hunter, a man who hunts women with a gun. Because of controversy and complaints from all those feminists, NBC had to create....

"Who Farted?" One of the many "classy" sketches on TGS

The Girlie Show- What Liz Lemon's show was called BEFORE Tracy Jordan came aboard. It's much better now. 

Black Fraiser- The show Toofer used to write for at BET before getting the Girlie Show gig. Just as Fraiser-y and nothing black about it. 

Dealbreakers Talk Show- Liz Lemon's talk show that was never even able to film its first episode because Lemon went "Jenna" on everyone (watch the whole episode, it's amazing).

Rural Juror & Urban Fervor- The first is an indie film (with a difficult to pronounce name) starring Jenna and the second is the sequel written by Kevin Grisham (brother of John Grisham... so you know it's good?).

Jackie Jormp Jomp- Jack's Janis Joplin inspired biopic that could not obtain rights to any of Joplin's songs and thus had to sing versions of each hit with the words changed (for example: Chunk of my Lung over Piece of my Heart). Starring Jenna Maroney as Jackie Jormp Jomp. 

Los Amantes Clandestinos- The show featuring the Generalissimo, a villain who looks exactly like Jack. Jack's ex-girlfriend Elisa had a grandmother who did not approve of Jack because of this resemblance. 

See? Super creepy.

Milf Island- NBC's most famous reality show... exactly as it sounds... and just as creepy. 

Some of the best Tracy Jordan movies: Fat Bitch, Honky Grandma Be Trippin', A Blaffair To Rememblack, Who Dat Ninja, Black Cop/White Cop, Jefferson (Which Tracy wrote, produced, stars in and directed), Hard To Watch: Based on the Book "Stone Cold Bummer" By Manipulate (For which Tracy won an Oscar surprisingly enough), The Chunks 2: A Very Chunky Christmas

Child Hell Fight- a show that will "inoventually"happen

Queen of Jordan- an awesome reality show starring Tracy Jordan's wife, Angie with the best cast ever. 

Fake Food/Food-Related Items: 

One of Liz's many many crazy dreams. 

Cheesy Blasters (and Meat Cat, the face of CheesyB)

Adultaraisin- Tracy Jordan's Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor. 

Funcooker- a portable microwave that unfortunately shares its name with Tracy's butt. 

Sabor de Soledad- a cheeto-like chip that causes you to think you're having a baby. (definitely glad these aren't real) 

The only words that can truly describe my annoyance for no more "30 Rock" were coined by Liz herself: "BLERG!" & "NERDS!" We'll miss you TGS Cast and Crew (and Jack). You're pretty awes. Everyone should watch the SERIES finale of "30 Rock tonight at 8 p.m. As Tina Fey said herself: TAPE THE BIG BANG THEORY FOR ONCE PEOPLE.

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