Thursday, April 18, 2013

Why Tom Will Become The New Jerry On "Parks And Recreation"

Everyone, it's happening. Gary "Jerry" Gergich FINALLY gets to retire. No longer will he be the butt of jokes, no longer will we be subjected to "fart" attacks.

But the big question now is, who will be the new Jerry in the Parks Department? TVLine has given an exclusive first look at the other employees trying to figure out that very question. But let's be honest, we all know it's going to be Tom. Let the facts speak for themselves.

1. Tom has ridiculous names for things that most people could easily insult.

He doesn't even know where the "Z" in "cool-blasterz" came from! Plus, did you see Leslie's face? She definitely was holding back a joke/insult.

2. Sometimes he makes extremely questionable fashion choices

No girl wants to see someone's crotch say "What's crackin."

3. He makes Ron hate puppies.

4. That face. You know which one I'm talking about...

Listen, I love this face and his high-pitched voice when he gets excited. But it is very easy to make jokes. Case in point:

5. He doesn't realize that Drake will never reply to his tweets

So naive.

6. He tries to do things only Ron Swanson can do.

Poor little guy. He should have known better than to try and impress a girl over Ron Swanson. It's impossible because he's the manliest man ever created.

7. He complains. A LOT

8. He has way too much stuff.

Not smart Tom, not smart. 

9. And he gets so depressed without his stuff

10. He gives himself terrible advice

11. He has the worst pick-up lines

12. He is totally not loyal to Pawnee.

Not cool man. Not. Cool.

13. He is easily manipulated.

14. He cannot handle his liquor.

This is after two beers. Light beers.

15. Lastly, he has the worst friends (or maybe the best?)

Example 2:

You know what? Scratch all of this, Tom and Jean Ralphio are perfection. Who do you think will be the new Jerry??

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